By The end of the year marks a time of reflection upon life and planning for the future. The year has certainly been one of ups and downs with a sprinkle of life lessons in between. There were times I felt at my lowest, but I was always reminded that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. In August, one of the most amazing opportunities fell in my lap, and my life has been blessed for it. This was a milestone year for me. I hit my mid-30s. And let me tell you, that age crept up out of nowhere! I didn’t do anything special to celebrate, but I was probably more content than I had been for a long while. I took time to really take an assessment of my current circumstances, and asked myself what did I want moving forward. This is so important.
I thought I’d share with you some key messages that really pierced my spirit. These are things I feel can help you on this journey called life and serve as a guide for your daily walk.
1. BE THE MASTER OF YOUR TIME // Time is Life. Whether you are spending your time wisely, wasting your time on unnecessary things, or investing your time, the clock is going to move. The truth is we let others waste our time and we also waste our own time. We take time for granted by always ‘waiting’ for the perfect moment. The time is always NOW to become great. Take that trip now. Get your degree now. Tell others you love them NOW. Start the business now.
Take some inventory of those hours that you are binge watching a show or scrolling on social media. How were you spending your time? Now think about what goals you have and how your time needs to be invested instead. It’s all connected.
2. YOU CAN’T CHANGE ANOTHER PERSON // You can influence, encourage, and be there for others, but know that you cannot change another person. It is only within their power to change themselves and the course of their life. I don’t know how many years that I have tried or thought that I could change someone and it only ended up being painful, a headache, and discouraging to my spirit. If there is someone in your life who may suffer from addiction or doesn’t care for their health or is following a bad way of life, you MUST distance yourself from this person. Does that sound crazy? YES. Will it hurt? YES. But what hurts worse is having to endure the pain over and over again of seeing someone abuse themselves or even transfer that energy to you. We can love someone without being along for the ride of their drama. That’s like getting in the car with someone who starts driving 95 miles per hour in regular traffic. Would you demand to be let out the car, or would you stick along to end up a victim? Be supportive, encouraging, and inspirational FROM AFAR. Because that person can only change themselves when they are ready.
3. RECITE THE SERENITY PRAYER // The Serenity Prayer is one of the most pivotal mantras and messages that you can recite for a true feeling of peace. It is very common for us as humans to be led by our ego and therefore think that the events of life (even Supernatural ones) are within our control. But they are not. We can control how we behave, how we talk, and how we react. But we cannot change the weather. We do not have the power to keep others alive. Yet, we believe we do and this is what ruins our spirit. Once you realize that there are only certain things you can control, then this mindset can help you lead a different life. You can begin to compartmentalize some issues that may have to do with the world and what goes on in it. Anytime something crazy happens, and my heart starts racing, I think of the serenity prayer. I close my eyes and remind myself that there is a balance in this world. That I can’t control it. But I can move forward with intention and purpose.
4. MINDSET IS EVERYTHING // How you think about yourself and all the ways you lead your life really manifests itself through your day to day. How you approach each day sets the tone for things that happen in your life. I used to think this was so cheesy and such a spiritual guru thing to say until I began hanging around a set of people who didn’t live with limited mindset. They maintain a positive outlook even when things look like they may not work out. They are all about the plan A, B, & C.
One tool that helped my money mindset is an app called The Secret to Money. I absolutely love this app because sometimes you need to make affirmations as reminders and really reset those limitations that have been embedded in your subconscious mind. So, if I’ve been thinking like a person of LACK for so long and I’ve been thinking that nothing is possible then that is essentially my REALITY. But as I’ve been able to affirm everyday that there is more than enough, new doors of abundance open. Because that is the truth.
There IS more than enough in this world that we can be comfortable, pay bills, give to others, and treat ourselves with rewards. The more I begin to think as a person who lacks nothing, the more blessings began to fall in my lap. So what are you thinking everyday and what is your inner monologue? Are you complaining all the time or are you in a bad mood and telling yourself that you are broke? This doesn’t just mean financial. Relationships. Careers. Health. What is the story that you are telling yourself on a daily basis?Change it. Get the app and thank me later.
5. ACTIONS MATTER MOST // In the book The Four Agreements, one of the Four Agreements says to be impeccable with your word. And I wholeheartedly agree, but what I found is that many people (myself included) can talk the talk but many times there is no action behind it. A person can state with conviction, “I want to lose weight. I will lose weight” or “I want to save money.” Another person can say “I want to be a writer” or “I want to start a business.”
You can make those statements daily and still achieve nothing for lack of ACTION. Your words and actions have to align. Making the declaration is just half the battle and many people miss that part. Sometimes, the words just sound great. Saying them makes you feel you’re already there. However, saying it is easier than doing it. Making promises to yourself can get exhausting after awhile. Filling up your planner with to-dos and tasks can make you feel productive. Those vision boards only count as the first step. So, going into the New Year, I’d ask you to list action steps and how you can be accountable for achieving your goals. Actions matter.
6. GENUINE RELATIONSHIPS ARE HARD TO COME BY. CHERISH THEM // Genuine relationships are hard to come by… and making new friends is tougher than I thought. I have to admit that I’ve never been great at putting my trust in others. I’m immediately determined to wonder if there’s an angle or motive to your friendship. Because the truth of the matter is people (men or women) have their own ways of dealing with friendship. Everyone’s definition of what it means to be a ‘good friend’ differs. At this point in life, I’ve learned hard lessons about friendship. I had to learn to let go and not have hard feelings about separation. I had to learn that some people come into your life for a season. I also learned that sometimes it’s THEIR loss and not yours. I absolutely learned it was okay to make myself a priority when others would have considered me a non-factor. These lessons built up a wall that I’m now in the process of dissolving for my own progress.
My mom always tells me “To make a friend, you need to be a friend.” Yet, she has seen the dedication I have given to people who took my kindness and thoughtfulness for granted. Recently, someone mentioned that as an adult, its harder for some people to make genuine friends. Not the people you hang with occasionally or go out to eat with every blue moon. But those friends you actually have deep conversations with where you can cry on their shoulder and who will really be there for you. A friend you can consider true family in a world full of flaky, messiness, lies, jealousy, and a host of other things. Connections with people you share common traits with seems about as likely as finding a unicorn, but I am vowing to not only connect with others, but make it my personal mission in 2018 to be that friend.
7. STOP HAVING REGRETS… AND START HOLDING YOURSELF ACCOUNTABLE. I was cleaning up and found this message on a post-it. I can’t tell you how much I needed to know this at that moment. I can admit that sometimes I’ve embraced the ‘victim’ mentality. And yes, sometimes people around you make choices for you that you have to live with but at some point when you become an adult every single choice you make is YOURS. I’ll probably struggle with that fact for a long time, but it’s true.
And I’ll say it again.
If you are an adult, every single choice that you make right now is YOURS. There will be times that you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t. But you will feel better if you made the choice for yourself and not on behalf of someone else. Because if you make a choice on behalf of someone else (I am not talking about kids because that is a different responsibility) you will always have blame in your heart for them. Still, they did not make the choice! Pointing the finger is easy. Accepting the responsibility is the challenge. Accepting responsibility, forgiving yourself, and then moving forward to make better decisions for your life is the solution.
Turning 30+ has been an eye-opener, but I look forward to making my years count and living in a way that speaks to the type of legacy I want to imprint on this earth. There are so many other lessons I learned, and I look forward to sharing them with you. This is what life is about.
XOXO
What do you think?